Shane MacGowan pissed on my shoes once.

Years ago, I worked as a barman in West London, and after closing time would generally make my way over to a great little pub -- now sadly a chocolatier's, apparently -- in Belgravia. Mr. MacGowan was a semi-regular there, so I'd seen him several times over the course of a few months before the night in question. Though I'd been a Pogues fan for years prior, I'd never approached him or said anything beyond polite chitchat if he happened to lean on the bar next to me while getting a pint. On The Night of the Shoe-Pissing By a Drunken Musical Legend, I was upstairs at the urinal (I use the singular, as this was a proper old pub with a trough rather than individual porcelain bits as we're used to in North America), when lo and behold, the aforementioned Drunken Musical Legend wobbles over next to me, unzips, and begins to unleash. At first, he made solid contact on target, but gradually began to pivot. All this time, I'm staring straight at the wall, as I do not, under any circumstances, wish to see Shane MacGowan's penis. Seriously, look at the man's teeth. I can't imagine what his junk looks like. The first inkling I have that anything's amiss is the sound and then feeling of piss splattering over my Chuck Taylors. No sooner had the downpour begun than it ended, I hear him zip up and wobble back out the door (and no, he didn't wash up. Did you really think he would?) I wipe off the shoes as best I could, washed my hands rather thoroughly, and went back to my seat at the bar. "Shane MacGowan just pissed on my shoes," I tell the manageress, who was tending bar. "Happens to every man around here eventually, mate," she replies.
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templates/partials/breadcrumb

                        
templates/partials/sidebar/story

                        
templates/partials/sidebar/randomCelebrity

                        
templates/partials/sidebar/tags

                        
templates/partials/comments

                        
templates/forms/textarea

                        
templates/forms/hidden

                        
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templates/forms/submit

                        
module/story/templates/story

                        
templates/partials/cookies

                        
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format_date
return_html_attributes
alphanumeric
reindexlist
urlstring
getpathvalue
getrequeststring
debug
ppr
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set_meta
get_module_class
template
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Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/core/site.php, Line:60
Class: module\navigation\navigation Function: getNavigation
SELECT `navigation`.`nid`, `navigation`.`parent_id`, `navigation`.`name`, `navigation`.`url`, `navigation`.`created`, `navigation`.`parent_id`, `navigation`.`position`, `navigation`.`created`, `navigation`.`updated`
FROM navigation
ORDER BY navigation.position ASC

Parameters:

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/core/site.php, Line:62
Class: module\navigation_footer\navigation_footer Function: getNavigation
SELECT `navigation_footer`.`nfid`, `navigation_footer`.`name`, `navigation_footer`.`url`, `navigation_footer`.`created`, `navigation_footer`.`position`, `navigation_footer`.`created`, `navigation_footer`.`updated`
FROM navigation_footer
ORDER BY navigation_footer.position ASC

Parameters:

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:36
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: get_single
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`sid` = :story_sid AND `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted
ORDER BY story.created DESC
LIMIT 1

Parameters:
story_sid: 137
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: get_single
SELECT `celebrity`.`cid`, `celebrity`.`name`, `celebrity`.`dob`, `celebrity`.`image_source`, `celebrity`.`featured`, `celebrity`.`known`, `celebrity`.`nice_percent`, `celebrity`.`mean_percent`, `celebrity`.`ok_percent`, `celebrity`.`slug`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`story_count`, `celebrity`.`created`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`published`, `celebrity`.`deleted`
FROM celebrity
WHERE `celebrity`.`cid` = :celebrity_cid AND `celebrity`.`published` = :celebrity_published AND `celebrity`.`deleted` = :celebrity_deleted
ORDER BY celebrity.created DESC
LIMIT 1

Parameters:
celebrity_cid: 156
celebrity_published: 1
celebrity_deleted: 0

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: getLinked
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted AND `story`.`celebrity_id` IN (:where_in__storycelebrity_id_0)
ORDER BY story.created DESC

Parameters:
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0
where_in__storycelebrity_id_0: 156

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: getLinked
SELECT `tag`.`tid`, `tag`.`name`, `tag`.`slug`, `tag`.`created`, `tag`.`updated`, `tag_celebrity`.`cid`
FROM tag JOIN tag_celebrity ON `tag_celebrity`.`tid` = `tag`.`tid`
WHERE `tag_celebrity`.`cid` IN (:where_in__tag_celebritycid_0)
ORDER BY tag.created DESC

Parameters:
where_in__tag_celebritycid_0: 156

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:73
Class: classes\getHtml\latestStories Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted AND sid NOT IN (:where_not_in__sid_0)
ORDER BY created DESC
LIMIT 3

Parameters:
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0
where_not_in__sid_0: 137

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:74
Class: classes\getHtml\randomCelebrity Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `celebrity`.`cid`, `celebrity`.`name`, `celebrity`.`dob`, `celebrity`.`image_source`, `celebrity`.`featured`, `celebrity`.`known`, `celebrity`.`nice_percent`, `celebrity`.`mean_percent`, `celebrity`.`ok_percent`, `celebrity`.`slug`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`story_count`, `celebrity`.`created`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`published`, `celebrity`.`deleted`
FROM celebrity
WHERE `celebrity`.`published` = :celebrity_published AND `celebrity`.`deleted` = :celebrity_deleted AND cid NOT IN (:where_not_in__cid_0)
ORDER BY RAND()
LIMIT 3

Parameters:
celebrity_published: 1
celebrity_deleted: 0
where_not_in__cid_0: 156

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:75
Class: classes\getHtml\tags Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `tag`.`tid`, `tag`.`name`, `tag`.`slug`, `tag`.`created`, `tag`.`updated`, count(tag_celebrity.tid) AS count
FROM tag
RIGHT JOIN tag_celebrity ON tag.tid = tag_celebrity.tid
GROUP BY tag_celebrity.tid
ORDER BY count DESC

Parameters:

Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/comment/comment.php, Line:54
Class: module\comment\comment Function: getComments
SELECT `comment`.`cid`, `comment`.`name`, `comment`.`message`, `comment`.`message_uncensored`, `comment`.`ghost_comment`, `comment`.`spam`, `comment`.`anonymous`, `comment`.`created`, `comment`.`author_name`, `comment`.`parent_id`, `comment`.`created`, `comment`.`updated`, `comment`.`uid`, `comment`.`sid`, `comment`.`published`, `comment`.`deleted`
FROM comment
WHERE `comment`.`sid` = :comment_sid AND `comment`.`published` = :comment_published AND `comment`.`deleted` = :comment_deleted
ORDER BY created ASC

Parameters:
comment_sid: 137
comment_published: 1
comment_deleted: 0

SELECT count(comment_child.cid) AS total_comments

FROM comment AS comment_child
LEFT JOIN comment AS comment_parent ON comment_child.parent_id = comment_parent.cid
WHERE (comment_parent.deleted = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id IS NULL) AND comment_child.deleted = 0 AND comment_child.spam = 0 AND comment_child.published = 1 AND comment_child.sid = 137

Parameters:

SELECT count(comment_child.cid) AS total_comments

FROM comment AS comment_child
LEFT JOIN comment AS comment_parent ON comment_child.parent_id = comment_parent.cid
WHERE (comment_parent.deleted = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id IS NULL) AND comment_child.deleted = 0 AND comment_child.spam = 0 AND comment_child.published = 1 AND comment_child.sid = 137

Parameters:

Sessions
forms
Array
(
    [leavecommentform] => Array
        (
            [token] => f1f008de9cc974bb2e2b2f2154ca9685
        )

)

debug
Array
(
    [queries_run] => Array
        (
            [0] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/core/site.php, Line:60
Class: module\navigation\navigation Function: getNavigation
SELECT `navigation`.`nid`, `navigation`.`parent_id`, `navigation`.`name`, `navigation`.`url`, `navigation`.`created`, `navigation`.`parent_id`, `navigation`.`position`, `navigation`.`created`, `navigation`.`updated`
FROM navigation
ORDER BY navigation.position ASC

Parameters: [1] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/core/site.php, Line:62
Class: module\navigation_footer\navigation_footer Function: getNavigation
SELECT `navigation_footer`.`nfid`, `navigation_footer`.`name`, `navigation_footer`.`url`, `navigation_footer`.`created`, `navigation_footer`.`position`, `navigation_footer`.`created`, `navigation_footer`.`updated`
FROM navigation_footer
ORDER BY navigation_footer.position ASC

Parameters: [2] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:36
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: get_single
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`sid` = :story_sid AND `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted
ORDER BY story.created DESC
LIMIT 1

Parameters:
story_sid: 137
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0 [3] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: get_single
SELECT `celebrity`.`cid`, `celebrity`.`name`, `celebrity`.`dob`, `celebrity`.`image_source`, `celebrity`.`featured`, `celebrity`.`known`, `celebrity`.`nice_percent`, `celebrity`.`mean_percent`, `celebrity`.`ok_percent`, `celebrity`.`slug`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`story_count`, `celebrity`.`created`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`published`, `celebrity`.`deleted`
FROM celebrity
WHERE `celebrity`.`cid` = :celebrity_cid AND `celebrity`.`published` = :celebrity_published AND `celebrity`.`deleted` = :celebrity_deleted
ORDER BY celebrity.created DESC
LIMIT 1

Parameters:
celebrity_cid: 156
celebrity_published: 1
celebrity_deleted: 0 [4] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: getLinked
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted AND `story`.`celebrity_id` IN (:where_in__storycelebrity_id_0)
ORDER BY story.created DESC

Parameters:
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0
where_in__storycelebrity_id_0: 156 [5] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:46
Class: helpers\table_queries Function: getLinked
SELECT `tag`.`tid`, `tag`.`name`, `tag`.`slug`, `tag`.`created`, `tag`.`updated`, `tag_celebrity`.`cid`
FROM tag JOIN tag_celebrity ON `tag_celebrity`.`tid` = `tag`.`tid`
WHERE `tag_celebrity`.`cid` IN (:where_in__tag_celebritycid_0)
ORDER BY tag.created DESC

Parameters:
where_in__tag_celebritycid_0: 156 [6] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:73
Class: classes\getHtml\latestStories Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `story`.`sid`, `story`.`name`, `story`.`content`, `story`.`rating`, `story`.`author`, `story`.`ip`, `story`.`email`, `story`.`approved`, `story`.`check_true`, `story`.`temp_name`, `story`.`email_sent`, `story`.`highlighted`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`created`, `story`.`updated`, `story`.`celebrity_id`, `story`.`published`, `story`.`deleted`
FROM story
WHERE `story`.`published` = :story_published AND `story`.`deleted` = :story_deleted AND sid NOT IN (:where_not_in__sid_0)
ORDER BY created DESC
LIMIT 3

Parameters:
story_published: 1
story_deleted: 0
where_not_in__sid_0: 137 [7] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:74
Class: classes\getHtml\randomCelebrity Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `celebrity`.`cid`, `celebrity`.`name`, `celebrity`.`dob`, `celebrity`.`image_source`, `celebrity`.`featured`, `celebrity`.`known`, `celebrity`.`nice_percent`, `celebrity`.`mean_percent`, `celebrity`.`ok_percent`, `celebrity`.`slug`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`story_count`, `celebrity`.`created`, `celebrity`.`updated`, `celebrity`.`published`, `celebrity`.`deleted`
FROM celebrity
WHERE `celebrity`.`published` = :celebrity_published AND `celebrity`.`deleted` = :celebrity_deleted AND cid NOT IN (:where_not_in__cid_0)
ORDER BY RAND()
LIMIT 3

Parameters:
celebrity_published: 1
celebrity_deleted: 0
where_not_in__cid_0: 156 [8] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/story/view.php, Line:75
Class: classes\getHtml\tags Function: getSidebarHtml
SELECT `tag`.`tid`, `tag`.`name`, `tag`.`slug`, `tag`.`created`, `tag`.`updated`, count(tag_celebrity.tid) AS count
FROM tag
RIGHT JOIN tag_celebrity ON tag.tid = tag_celebrity.tid
GROUP BY tag_celebrity.tid
ORDER BY count DESC

Parameters: [9] => Location: /home3/saootcte/meanandfamous.com/app/module/comment/comment.php, Line:54
Class: module\comment\comment Function: getComments
SELECT `comment`.`cid`, `comment`.`name`, `comment`.`message`, `comment`.`message_uncensored`, `comment`.`ghost_comment`, `comment`.`spam`, `comment`.`anonymous`, `comment`.`created`, `comment`.`author_name`, `comment`.`parent_id`, `comment`.`created`, `comment`.`updated`, `comment`.`uid`, `comment`.`sid`, `comment`.`published`, `comment`.`deleted`
FROM comment
WHERE `comment`.`sid` = :comment_sid AND `comment`.`published` = :comment_published AND `comment`.`deleted` = :comment_deleted
ORDER BY created ASC

Parameters:
comment_sid: 137
comment_published: 1
comment_deleted: 0 [10] => SELECT count(comment_child.cid) AS total_comments
FROM comment AS comment_child
LEFT JOIN comment AS comment_parent ON comment_child.parent_id = comment_parent.cid
WHERE (comment_parent.deleted = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id IS NULL) AND comment_child.deleted = 0 AND comment_child.spam = 0 AND comment_child.published = 1 AND comment_child.sid = 137

Parameters: [11] => SELECT count(comment_child.cid) AS total_comments
FROM comment AS comment_child
LEFT JOIN comment AS comment_parent ON comment_child.parent_id = comment_parent.cid
WHERE (comment_parent.deleted = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id = 0 OR comment_child.parent_id IS NULL) AND comment_child.deleted = 0 AND comment_child.spam = 0 AND comment_child.published = 1 AND comment_child.sid = 137

Parameters: ) )