In the bathroom

I was at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in NYC during their huge improv marathon last summer. It's 2 or 3 in the morning, the place is hot and sweaty from 400 people crammed into a basement comedy theatre. Everyone is drunk, including myself. I needed to pee. I slid over to the bathroom and Ed Helms (Daily Show, The Office) comes out. "The bathroom is full. I am next in line. If you try to cut ahead of me, I will pee on you." At this point, I think 3 things: 1. Holy shit, Ed Helms! 2. My girlfriend loves Ed Helms! 3. You're at UCB and it's an unwritten rule that you play it cool around the random celebs that show up. These 3 thoughts coalesce in the worst possible way. I respond, "You know, you should pee on me, my girlfriend would love that." Without missing a beat, he replies, "She's a keeper. Marry that girl." Then we peed next to each other. THE END.